The Secret Stresses of a College Freshman
by lwbsrta7119
Summary: To the rest of the world, Troy Bolton is successful and happy. Little do they know of the stress, fear, and shame he lives with everyday. Afraid to tell Gabriella, Chad, or his family, and realizing his unhappiness is unhealthy, Troy visits a therapist for the first time to finally tell someone what goes through his mind. Two-shot.


**Author's Note:** I know many of you will start reading this fic and think, "What? Troy would never actually feel that way!" However, I think it's entirely possible he would. I know many people—most of them young college students—who seem incredibly successful and happy to the rest of the world, but in reality, they always feel inadequate and live their lives feeling guilty, ashamed, or afraid every day. This short little two-shot is my way of helping everyone else understand how such people really feel, though they may try so desperately to hide it.

"Thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Dr. Jacobsen."

"Thank you for coming so soon, Troy. I must admit your phone call yesterday had me a little worried. Please, sit."

Such was the greeting between Troy Alexander Bolton—Troy Alexander Bolton, former captain of East High Basketball team and member of the Varsity Golf team, magna cum laude graduate of East High, and now freshman on a scholarship at UC Berkeley—and his therapist, Dr. Alexandra Jacobsen. Had any of his friends or family known Troy Bolton had called a therapist, they would have been shocked. True, he had confided in his mother, but ONLY his mother. Even his father had no idea what really went through his son's mind every night now.

Yes, to most who knew him, Troy Bolton was the Golden Boy, star of East High basketball, golf, theatre, boyfriend of the valedictorian, and undoubtedly the most popular boy in school. Everything he did, he did well. Everyone he spoke to liked him, even those guys who were jealous of him and those girls who would give almost anything to date him. Yes, to the rest of the world, Troy was successful in every way. _Why,_ they would say to themselves, _would he need therapy?_

Little did they know what young Mr. Perfect thought of himself.

"I guess I'm not really sure how this is supposed to work," Troy told her as he sat.

The doctor smiled. "Just relax," she told him softly. "Mostly you just tell me what's on your mind."

Troy looked down for a moment before responding. "I guess, mostly on my mind is I hate myself."

Dr. Jacobsen nodded, frowning slightly as she remembered their conversation the night before. "I hate to ask you this, Troy, but before we go any further, why do you hate yourself, do you think?"

The young man sighed and looked back down, staring at a small tear in the material of his Converse. "I don't know. I just feel like I failed. All the time. At everything…"

"Go on," the doctor said after a moment, softly encouraging him to keep talking it out. "What do you feel you failed at?"

He sighed again, not looking up. "Everything I guess. Basketball, theatre, school. I used to be so proud of the way I played, and it used to be so much fun to play, even to rehearse. But now I can't do any of it without feeling completely inadequate. Everyone on basketball team here is better than me, everyone in the theatre program is more experienced, I'm not especially gifted academically…it's like I'm mediocre at everything, but not good enough at anything to have a future."

"You're afraid you don't have a future in basketball or theatre."

"Yes." He looked up. "And I'm scared to death I'm right."

Dr. Jacobsen looked in the young man's eyes for a moment, surprised by the emotions she saw in them. Mostly fear. But there was something else there, something different. Something in the way his eyes struggled to hold her gaze and flickered away, even closing to escape looking at her directly…

Troy felt guilty. Ashamed.

She spoke again when Troy's eyes went back to the hole in his sneaker. "Troy, you attend one of the finest universities in the country on a scholarship. I spoke to your coach and your theatre director; both are very impressed with you. Your theatre professor even said that despite being less experienced than the others, you have a more natural presence on stage than anyone, and several of the others are jealous _of you_. So, what are you so ashamed of?"

Troy looked up at that, surprised at first. After a minute or so, his eyes fell again, as if to admit that she was right. "I guess, in my mind, I could have gone to a better school, like Gabriella, and gotten a better scholarship. I could've done better in school, except I had basketball. I could also be better at basketball, except I have theatre, and I could be better at theatre, except I had basketball. Again, I feel like I could be great at any of them, but I'm just okay at all of them."

The more he spoke, the better Dr. Jacobsen was able to read him. "You feel like you disappointed someone, don't you?" she asked after a moment. "I think there's more than that: you feel like you betrayed someone."

Troy didn't look up, but after a few minutes, she saw a single, glistening tear fall to the floor from the corner of his eye before hearing a soft, almost whispered, "Yes."

"You're father?" she asked softly.

Troy nodded gently. "And Mom. And Chad, and the rest of the basketball team. And Gabriella. And the U of A coach. And team."

"You feel like you betrayed them by choosing to not go to U of A," she said. It was more of a statement than a question.

Troy nodded again after a moment. "My dad was always…so _proud _of me in high school. Always bragging about me probably getting a full ride to U of A…and I did! But I turned it down to come here, and I left Chad, the whole team behind. After months of playing with the team and talking to the coach, I turned them down. I haven't really even talked to them since; I feel so bad about it. I thought coming here would make me happy, but instead I just feel like shit all the time, which makes me feel like I'm being unfair to Gabriella, too."

"Troy, do you feel like your dad is less proud of you because you chose UC Berkeley over U of A?"

A chuckle escaped from Troy's lips. "When you put it that way, it sounds stupid, but maybe. At least, I feel like I have to prove to him—and myself—that it was the right choice."

When he didn't say anything further, Dr. Jacobsen decided to ask him one final question. "You're still a virgin, aren't you, Troy?"

The corners of his lips curved into a slight smile. "How did you know?"

She smiled, glad to see the first hint of a smile on his face since he walked into the room. "The vast majority of young men who feel inadequate in their lives feel that way at least in part because they haven't had sex yet. Is it you or Gabriella who isn't ready? Or both?"

Another chuckle. "Neither, really. This first year's been so stressful; we just haven't had enough time or energy. Well, not at the same time at least," he added.

With that, Dr. Jacobsen put down her notes and reading glasses and looked at Troy. "Okay, so I think you've told me enough for me to be able to offer you some helpful, well…advice, if you want to call it that. But it's really just a few observations and suggestions you can choose to act on or ignore at your own discretion. First, I'd like to tell you a story of a former patient of mine—one who gave me permission to tell his story because he believed it might help people like you, in a similar situation."


End file.
